My Journey to Motherhood!

I love my boys so so much. Jax has really been the greatest blessing in my life. I love him with every last bit of my heart and soul. He is 2 1/2. He will be three in November. WOW! Time flies by.

He came into my life while I was at Dixie State College in St. George. At the time, I didn't think I was going to make it but now I can't imagine my life without him. He is trully the best thing to ever happen to me. I look back now at things that happened or didn't happen and it all makes sense to me why. At the time, I was wondering, "what did I do to deserve this" or "why didn't I make this team or this spot" but if I had received certain awards, posititions, and memberships I would not have the greatest blessing in my life...Jaxton. For example, I received 2nd attendant at the Miss Gunnison pageant. It is a sore subject for me because I feel I was jipped. I worked hard for all of my outfits, accessories, shoes, music, and talent. The girl who won was given pretty much everything and nailed her interview. I beat her in swimsuit and tied with her in interview. Okay, my talent didn't look very impressive because I didn't have any big cool tricks but technically it was harder. If there would have been a dance judge, she would have seen that. But, like I said, if I would have been Miss Gunnison I believe I wouldn't have had Jax because I would have taken a different road than what I did. I tried out for the Rebellettes at Dixie State College. I NAILED the routine and technique. I wasn't from a big school and was not RICH by any means. I feel that Dixie's team is very political. There was a girl who fell twice and still made it because she was friends with some of the prior girls on the team. But if I would have made the team, I wouldn't have been hanging out with the friends that I did and probably wouldn't have had Jax. There are more examples that I have but every single one of them proves that everything happens for a reason....Atleast that's what I believe. The song "Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts is my song about Jax. God Blessed the Broken Road that Lead Me Straight to You. Jax, you are the greatest blessing ever. I love him so much.

It is sure hard at times, any mom knows that, but it is so worth it. I will get upset or impatient with him and I feel terrible about it. That is probably why he thinks he is the boss :) It is hard by myself. I don't have anyone to help me discipline him all of the time. When I am at my parent's, they help me and he listens to them (for the most part). Taylor helps me as well but it is a lot for him sometimes considering he has never had kids before. He is great though. I wouldn't be dating him if he wasn't GREAT with Jax and Me. It is buy one get one free with me and Jax :) I told Taylor that from the start and he said it was quite the bargain. What a great guy.

Dating has been difficult with a child...let me rephrase....it has been different. I see a whole other side of guys that I didn't see before. Some guys have been great and others have been creeps about the whole thing. Those were the ones I kicked right out the door and deleted their number. I don't mess around with that bull crap. Atleast I didn't anyway. I don't have to anymore. I found a great guy...Jason Taylor Leake. Jax has done really well with the dating issue. I have tried to not get him attached to anyone unless I know that there is potential with the guy. He is so stubborn though that I just let him do it on his own time. That is the only way I can do it. I haven't forced anything. This kind of thing doesn't just happen overnight either. People forget that and expect him and Taylor to be like father and son right off the bat. It has taken time...for both parts. But they are great boys and I love them both so very much.