moving

We are moving back to G Town this weekend. I am excited because Jax will have his aunt and uncles to play with every day. Plus, we will be able to see our puppy, Jade, every day! It will be a good thing. It will be an adjustment, but its all good!




My sister Madi LOVES Jax so much. He pesters her and its funny. Its a love/hate situation. She gets so irritated with him and so he knows he can push her buttons. It is so funny how kids know emotions and can feel the MAD MOOD VIBE. He loves Madi too though. Madi & Carter are so good with me. Brother Taylor (aka Tay Tay) is really good to babysit him. They all love him so much. He loves them too. When we are at our place and we haven't seen them for a while, he will ask for them. It is so cute.

Carter is like a big brother to him. They can play outside in the pool, dirt, with the dogs, and pretty much anything for hours. Carter is pretty good to sit and play the good ol' XBox with Jax. He is usually pretty patience with him. They both like Spongebob & Pokemon. Of course, Carter introduced Pokemon to him because that stuff drives me nuts! They are total Goobers when they are together. Proof is seen below.



This move will really be a good thing. Eventually, we will be back out on our own and hopefully into a cute small home in Manti or Ephraim. I really don't want to live in Gunnison forever. The packing is going good. I am going to go buy a bag of black garbage bags and just throw all of my clothes and toys and CRAP into them and get them to my moms. I think I will buy some tags so I can label them or something.

Summer '08 Has Arrived!

Hola to All! So, neither me or Jax had our procedures last week. It was a crazy week. Everything happens for a reason though. I feel these procedures didn't happen because I am suppose to be moved out in a week. Well, it would have been tough to do it with me being able to do nothing. They have been rescheduled for July. Anyone want to come help me move this week? Haha. Seriously...you can come help! I would love it. :) But anyhow, let me know how you guys are all doing.

The bugs are out of control this summer. Its probably because it is so moist and there are still cool temperatures. Hopefully the hot temperatures that have been around will burn off th eir wings so they cant fly. That would be great! Here is a picture of my son, aka Quasimoto, after mosquitos sucked his blood! Damn mosquitos!

It makes me so sad :( I went in to wake him up and he rolled over and out from under his blanket and his eye scared me. I kind of started to panic but then I realized he had been bitten by mosquitos. His right ear also has one in this picture. It was red and swollen. The dr gave me some medicine to give him for the one under his eye because it could turn more serious. The swelling could go behind his eye and impair his vision. All is good though! The swelling has gone down. He is obviously allergic. We keep day time and night time allergy medicine in the cabinet for when the mosquitos bypass the OFF spray and get to him. I am tempted to spray my mom and dad's lawn with the yard repellent. They are horrible. I don't want my child to become a hermet because of the darn bugs so we keep mosquito repellent all over - at each door, in my purse, i send some to the sitter and put some in his milk...haha Just Kidding! But, honestly those darn bugs serve no purpose! He is a trooper though. He just keeps on playing outside and acting like spiderman. He is getting so big so fast.

We are going to work on potty time when we move in with Mimi & Bumpa. He was doing really good for a while and wanted to go potty on the big toilet and then he went back to not wanting to. Any ideas for potty training? Let me know. I need to be more focused on it so I think after I get moved and settled in, I wont be so distracted. Hopefully we can tackle a lot of it before my procedure. July will be fun though :) We have the 4th of July (also my Birthday), camping, fishing, a Bee's Game, and some trips to the cute Manti pool planned. If anyone wants to come join us, you are more than welcome to.

Happy Summer! Wear sunscreen and bug repellent. Toodles :)

Blogger is still FOREIGN to me

Hey everybody. I am still new to this so once I figure out how to get cute layouts and music and format it better, i will have a rawkin page. I need to get a new camera as well so I can take lots of pics of my boys. Jax is into this not eating stage....just chocolate. Kind of like me :) haha. JK! He loves food but if he knows there is chocolate or candy or some sort of sugar around, he won't eat the real food. But then before he goes to bed, he says he's hungry. Ah kids. I remember being the same way. I still am :)

Things are Looking UP!

Things are looking better for us right now. That last post was saved as a draft but I didn't know it so I just posted it because it was how I was feeling about a week ago.

I am officially moving in with my parents. I am not too excited about it (and either are they) but desperate times call for desperate measures. It is quite frustrating though because of a few reasons:
1. I have to give up my cute apartment in Ephraim.
2. I have to give up my INDEPENDENCE (just for the time being).
3. My mom wants me to put my couches and TV in the extra room but me and Jax have to share with Madison.
4. They want me to pay a small bill, which is fine, but I feel I should be allowed to have a room for me and Jax instead of my stuff in there for everyone to ruin but yet I am still paying a bill and just kind of shoved wherever.
5. I am a mother and have a small family of my own but I still have to abide by my mother's rules (that includes curfew). What the???
6. I will have to drive about 30 minutes to work and then another 30 minutes back from work each day (gas prices are horrible = my traveling expenses will be horrible).
7. There are ants and spiders (black widows) all over that house. Ants inside and black widows in that extra room I want to stay in and all over outside.

I know I sound ungrateul but I am not. The reason for me moving home is I need to get caught up on my car and medical bills and eventually just pay them off. I swore to myself that the last time I moved out of their house (last august) would my LAST time. But, I am kind of excited in the same sense to move home. Here are the reasons for that:
1. I get to be near my family.
2. I won't be alone at night - even though Jax is there, I still get scared sometimes when its just me and him.
3. Jax will have his buddies to play with (madi, carter, tay tay, mimi, bumpa, and the dogs)
4. I will be home with my puppy every night. I can train her and be with her and play with her and she can sleep by me.
5. We will be closer to Taylor.
6. I will be able to go exercise in the mornings because someone will usually be there in case Jax wakes up (which usually doesn't happen before 8 unless I wake him).
7. I will have the extra assistance (if needed) with Jax when I am having a bad day, if I am sick, if he is sick, or if he isn't listening to me at all (normal right now). It is nice to have my parents to either help calm him or me down. They know more than I do so its good to learn from them about teaching Jax and raising him and having patience with him.
8. I will be close to other family members.

I am very grateful for my family but no matter who you are or how PERFECT a family seems to be, it is always hard for the other children who have been out on their own to move back in. We will manage. I need to talk to mother about the whole situation with the room. I am scared to but I will have to.

I got my car fixed! My AMAZING boss and his wife took care of it for me. I love my job and the people I work with, well most of them :) They are extremely good to me. They are patient with me. If I need to miss because I am sick or because Jax is sick, they are very understanding about it. If I need to leave home because I forgot something or if I need to run to a doctor appointment, they are very nice about it. I LOVE MY JOB!

Me and Taylor have been playing softball with his company team. It has been really fun. I feel it has helped us get past that rough patch we hit a few weeks ago. We are bonding and getting outside of the house now that the weather is STARTING to get nicer. Jax goes with us and plays with the kids of the other teammates. He is usually pretty good but he will take off when I turn my head for a second. But, he is two. He really has been good though. It has been a bonding experience for all of us.

I am cutting back on the soda. I am drinking more water. I am sick of gaining weight. There for a while, I was losing it and looking good. When I move in with my parents, I will be able to go work out in the morning and try to get this extra weight off. Plus, exercise always makes me happier. "Exercise creates endorphins, endorphins make people happy, and happy people just don't shoot their husbands." (Elle Woods, Legally Blonde). I am not gonna shoot anybody but I am just showing that exercise helps people (including me) feel happier, more relaxed, and just BETER all the way around - emotionally, mentally, and physically. This should help me out with my cranky moods that I have been having lately.

Jax will be getting tubes put in his ears on the 17th. Hopefully this will help immensely with reoccuring ear infections. I feel so bad when he gets them because he gets so sick. The doctor said that Jax should feel a whole lot better after this. I sure hope so. Poor little guy. He has been having ear infection after ear infection. The weather has been so up and down that I think it has really affected him with his ears, causing colds and fevers and all that fun stuff. Plus, I know he has allergies and he gets them from me. Sorry bud. So, hopefully these tubes will help out a lot.

I go up to Murray on the 18th for my pre-op appointment and then the 19th I have my procedure. I really hope this gets all of the cells. I don't want to have to go a step further - a cone procedure. The cone procedure will affect the integrity of the cervix and can make it harder for me to have kids. I want more kids here soon so I hope that this procedure gets rid of it. Goodness. I am excited for the rest I will be getting that weekend though. Its pretty sad when I get excited for rest when its after a procedure like that.

I am excited to caught up on my car and medical stuff. I am excited to move in with my parents because I am going to be able to get a new bed in a few months. Maybe that will be my Christmas present to me :) I have plans to decorate my room cute and get some things that I have wanted and needed.

Again, I am just venting about the current events in my life, but I guess that's what a blog is for!

JUNE BUG

This post is a VENTING post. Read it at your own risk. No judgment allowed :)

Hola... I will have pictures up soon of Texas, My Puppy, and this summer so far.

We didn't make it to the zoo in May but we are for sure going this month. It is going to be so hott but oh well. No more excuses. We should be going camping this month. That will be fun. Other than that, this month may be a bugger. I am having a surgical procedure done to remove some aggressive moderate-severe precancerous cells. I am not too excited. It is nothing big but I am worried about it. This procedure should remove them all but if not my ability to have more kids may be jeopardized. That's the part that upsets me. Plus, I can't afford to miss work. I know my health should be numero uno along with Jax, but lack of money is such a stress for me. That leads to another bugger of this month. I may have to move back in with my parents. No Bueno! I don't know what to do. Any suggestions? I have been doing so good on my own and I have a great new job but I need to pay my car off because I owe more than its worth. Rent is priority over my car though so now I am SOL. Plus, it is hard having two families living under one roof. I don't want to move back. I love living in Ephraim. Gunnison drives me nuts. We don't have the right last name in that town so we are looked down upon by pretty much everyone. I guess I just like being in my own area with new people. I am getting to know the people up here and I like them a lot. I don't want all of my furniture and cute decor to sit in a storage unit for the mice to eat at. GRR! As you can tell, I am upset lately. I was doing really good but I have the BLUES. I don't like it. Stress makes it hard for me to focus on my relationships with my son, my boyfriend, my family, and my friends. I just have a lot on my mind and don't know what to do with it all. I don't like asking people for help or sitting and crying to them because everyone has their own issues. I don't like bugging them or adding to their stresses. But then it all boils up inside and then I tend to break down. This is my new way of venting or letting it out. Maybe I should start a journal too.



Life was starting to go my way. I was almost done with my AS, i had a happy son, my car was running well, i was on time with rent and car payments, i had a cute apartment, i was getting along great with my boyfriend and my family and my friends, i was losing weight, and my stress level was low. Then, these dang precancerous cells came along and everything has gone down hill. I wasn't working as often, bills started getting behind, i started getting cranky, I had to withdrawal from a class for medical reasons, because of not working and lack of my money, my stress began to rise. My relationships started to struggle. The worst-case-scenario thoughts started bubbling and the depression started. What if I can't have more kids, what if it becomes cancer, what if???? I put on my game face and just hope something goes my way each day. Whether its I get to work on time, I play soccer with Jax, or I simply get to bed before midnight. I don't watch what I eat as well because I go to my "comfort food". I tell myself "oh i deserve a pepsi or cookie". There is always some reason that seems to justify my craving.

Summer '08

The sunshine needs to be consistent. It snowed on May 1st.....crazy weather! But I guess we do live in Utah. This summer is going to be a good one.

In the month of May, Taylor and I are going to Texas over mother's day weekend. We are going to get my boxer puppy :) It will be really fun to meet his family and see where he grew up. I am really nervous though too. Mother's Day is this month. I love this holiday. We are going to take Jax to the zoo at the end of the month. I am really excited. It will be lots of fun. I am working Saturdays at Subway. I love working there because it is a busy atmosphere and Janell is the best. I love the girls I work with too. Hopefully that rebate check will be here this month too. :)

June is the month of Taylor's birthday....both Taylor's! My brother's b-day is the 8th, along with uncle Matt's and then boyfriend Taylor's the 7th. That first weekend we are going camping. I am really excited. I haven't really been camping since my senior year of high school. Jax has NEVER been. It is going to be lots of fun. Then the next weekend is Father's Day. We will be at my parent's house this day to see my dad or as Jax calls him "Bumpa". They are the best of buddies. I love it! Summer OFFICIALLY starts this month. Yay! I believe we are going to go to Mesquite or St. George a weekend this month. I want to see Melissa and my aunt and uncle'e new place. They will also have a new baby by then...YAY!

July is my favorite month of the year. My birthday is the Fourth of July. Independence Day is that day too. It is such a fun time of year. There are a lot of activities going on. I love it. I want to go to the lake and camping this month. On the 24th of July, we are going to a Salt Lake Bees game. That will be tons of fun because of baseball and the fact that we love baseball but also there is a fireworks show that night. It will be awesome! Taylor's mom and sister are coming up at the end of this month. We will have fun with them while they are up here. We might go to Zions National Park. Taylor still hasn't been. I am going to take him some time this summer. I think a day down there would be good while his mom is up here from Texas.

Schooling

I am done with this current school year! Summer break is here :) It is so nice to not have to worry about homework for a few months. I will have my Associate of Science degree at the end of next semester. I need to retake my human biology and lab classes. I am excited to retake it though. With my doctor appointments and what not, I got behind. That was my hardest class this semester. So, I ended up getting to withdraw from it instead of getting an F. That was nice. I did really good at the first of the semester but then my health took priority. Life happens.

I will be taking those 2 classes plus an economics class :( I need economics for my major and Snow is cheap so I will just take classes there until I am no longer allowed to or until I have taken all of the ones I need. Full time has been pretty stressful so I will just go part time. Plus, my human bio class is online. It will be good :)

I miss dancing so much! I need some closure with it. Dancing has always been a big part of my life. I know that I needed more time for school and Jax this last semester but I am ready to be involved with a team. Not part of a time but help a team with dances, competitions, routines, choreography, cleaning, costume selections, judging, anything!! I miss it so much. :( Performing use to be my love but I have grown more to love choreographing and creating dynamic routines.

I love planning things. When my visuals and ideas come to life, I get such a great feeling of gratification. It is hard to explain.

I plan on still attending conventions and camps so that I can stick with the times and continue dancing. It has been such a big part of my life. It is so hard to completely let go.

My Journey to Motherhood!

I love my boys so so much. Jax has really been the greatest blessing in my life. I love him with every last bit of my heart and soul. He is 2 1/2. He will be three in November. WOW! Time flies by.

He came into my life while I was at Dixie State College in St. George. At the time, I didn't think I was going to make it but now I can't imagine my life without him. He is trully the best thing to ever happen to me. I look back now at things that happened or didn't happen and it all makes sense to me why. At the time, I was wondering, "what did I do to deserve this" or "why didn't I make this team or this spot" but if I had received certain awards, posititions, and memberships I would not have the greatest blessing in my life...Jaxton. For example, I received 2nd attendant at the Miss Gunnison pageant. It is a sore subject for me because I feel I was jipped. I worked hard for all of my outfits, accessories, shoes, music, and talent. The girl who won was given pretty much everything and nailed her interview. I beat her in swimsuit and tied with her in interview. Okay, my talent didn't look very impressive because I didn't have any big cool tricks but technically it was harder. If there would have been a dance judge, she would have seen that. But, like I said, if I would have been Miss Gunnison I believe I wouldn't have had Jax because I would have taken a different road than what I did. I tried out for the Rebellettes at Dixie State College. I NAILED the routine and technique. I wasn't from a big school and was not RICH by any means. I feel that Dixie's team is very political. There was a girl who fell twice and still made it because she was friends with some of the prior girls on the team. But if I would have made the team, I wouldn't have been hanging out with the friends that I did and probably wouldn't have had Jax. There are more examples that I have but every single one of them proves that everything happens for a reason....Atleast that's what I believe. The song "Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts is my song about Jax. God Blessed the Broken Road that Lead Me Straight to You. Jax, you are the greatest blessing ever. I love him so much.

It is sure hard at times, any mom knows that, but it is so worth it. I will get upset or impatient with him and I feel terrible about it. That is probably why he thinks he is the boss :) It is hard by myself. I don't have anyone to help me discipline him all of the time. When I am at my parent's, they help me and he listens to them (for the most part). Taylor helps me as well but it is a lot for him sometimes considering he has never had kids before. He is great though. I wouldn't be dating him if he wasn't GREAT with Jax and Me. It is buy one get one free with me and Jax :) I told Taylor that from the start and he said it was quite the bargain. What a great guy.

Dating has been difficult with a child...let me rephrase....it has been different. I see a whole other side of guys that I didn't see before. Some guys have been great and others have been creeps about the whole thing. Those were the ones I kicked right out the door and deleted their number. I don't mess around with that bull crap. Atleast I didn't anyway. I don't have to anymore. I found a great guy...Jason Taylor Leake. Jax has done really well with the dating issue. I have tried to not get him attached to anyone unless I know that there is potential with the guy. He is so stubborn though that I just let him do it on his own time. That is the only way I can do it. I haven't forced anything. This kind of thing doesn't just happen overnight either. People forget that and expect him and Taylor to be like father and son right off the bat. It has taken time...for both parts. But they are great boys and I love them both so very much.

About Us!

Hola! Jax and I are just plugging away every day. I am trying to get done with my Associates of Science degree. Jax is about sick of all of my homework and so am I. We live in a cute apartment here in Ephraim. Jax is officially a toddler because he is in the "terrible 2's". If anyone is wondering who the boss is here at our house, he will tell ya....its him. Not me! Haha. He is so fun though. He is a boy through and through. He keeps me going til the wee hours of the morning. Unfortunately he got his night-owlness from me. I am not that way anymore but I use to be. He wants to play and read books til midnight, sometimes later. I try to put him in his room or lie down with him but like I said, he is the boss.

Ephraim is good for us. It isn't Gunnison but it isn't the city either. We are still close to Mimi and Bumpa. They love him so much. Along with Carter, Madi, and Tay Tay (Taylor). Jax loves going there and playing with the kids and now the dog...oh and the 80 cats that live there :)...

Jax has neighbor kids he just loves to go play with. Now that it is getting warm, we play outside, ride bikes, go play soccer at the school park across the street, and draw on the sidewalk with chalk. How nice would it be to be a kid again?

I just got a new job. I have been working at the college for almost two years but I am just about done with schooling so I wanted a change in all atmospheres, plus this job pays more. Bailey Farms is where I am working now. No I am not bailing hay, but I am weighing hay and selling it. I work in the office and there is a lot to do. I love it though. The Bailey's are really good people and gave me a really good offer. They wanted me to start right away so I did. They have worked with my crazy schedule until school is out. Then it will be full time. It will be really good. Jax still goes to the same sitter. She is great! We love her tons. Jax is treated like one of her kids. They love him and he loves them. Her name is Juli. She is so good to me and to work with my schedule. I absolutely love her and her family.

I am dating a kid named Taylor Leake. He is from Longview, Texas. He is the GREATEST guy I have dated. He is really good to Jax and to me. We have been dating for 8 months now. I love him so much. Things are solid and great with all three of us! I love my boys. That's for sure!